I Feel like I'm losing my Mind
by Jaywing25
Summary: Prompt Competition, Word count is 2,645. David moves to a small Minnesota town. Prompts were the Change Uno card and the Bronx


**My prompt Was the Change color card, or Task _:_ Write about a dramatic change in a character's life or lives.** **My word count is 2,645.**

David grew up to be a Doctor, he had decided to leave New York and head for the Midwest, Doctors were needed out there. Someone had to take care of the farmers right?

His going away party was held at Irving Hall, David couldn't count all the times he had been here. All the memories he would have to leave behind, the emotions that festered in him as he spent his nights amongst his friends, but that wasn't what hurt him the most, it was the fact that he had to leave _her._

She was there of course, but with _him._ For as long as he could remember, David had crushed on Miss Marie Smith. He met her not too long after the strike, she was perfect in every sense of the word. Her blonde hair was always just as lovely, her green eyes never seemed dull, there was always a sparkle. David was love-struck from the moment Jack introduced them. Marie was a seamstress for Medda, she made all of her dresses and helped make the one's for the show girls. She was always kind to him and appeared to never run out of time when he came by.

Tragically, David wasn't the only one with his heart set on her, a boy from the Bronx, _a leader_ from the Bronx _,_ wanted her for himself. And what chance did he stand? David, the walking mouth as he had been dubbed, a no one, would never be able to stand next to the likes of Ricky Johnson, the debonair boy with smashing blue eyes and a newfound fortune in glass making. David was nothing.

He wasn't really planning on leaving when he saw them holding hands at Central Park, sure it tore him apart completely but he still held the hope that he might win her over. Until two month's ago.

Exactly Two months and ten days ago the love of his life got engaged to Ricky Johnson, the wedding was only three weeks away but David knew there would be no way he would be able to watch the only woman that ever made him feel pretty much anything marry a wanna be Spot Conlon.

Not even a bottle of whiskey made him feel better at his own going away party. It was quite obvious to everyone but Marie why he was leaving. David was sick of the sympathetic glances thrown his direction or the way everyone he knew tried to find him a girl to distract him from the sword stuck in his chest.

When David got on the train, she was there too, she kissed his cheek, hugged him and wiped a few stray tears. Jack patted him on the back and Sarah squeezed his hand. That type of comforting treatment was a main factor to him driving himself out of New York.

Rochester Minnesota was such a wonderful place, the Mayo clinic was already becoming quite the facility and David loved that, he loved feeling useful. He was fine, Marie never crossed his mind until he got home. There, in the Hotel he was staying at until he found somewhere nicer to live, David drove himself insane drinking coffee and telling himself that crying was a waste of his time. He had to think about his patients, ways to help them. Ways to heal them so they could go home and be happy, Even if he couldn't be happy.

There was a patient in particular David cared about. He was a small boy of five, he reminded him of Les. Same brown eyes and charming smile. His name was Tommy and his sister Jane took care of him, both of their parents were dead. Tommy had Hemophilia, last week he was brought in because his ankle was the size of a football, Tommy was vomiting and crying from the pain. He had stubbed his toe too hard on the table leg which caused deep internal bleeding. All David could do was give him some morphine, inject fluids to keep the blood pressure from dropping and hope for the best.

And that was why he cared so much. Because it wasn't fair that someone so young had suffer like that. David saw him nearly everyday, he gave him doses of Morphine, the nurse could of done it but David liked talking to him. Like he said, he was a nice reminder of Les before he hit puberty and became an overdramatic teenager.

David only knew Tommy for a couple of weeks, not a week after he was released from the hospital he tripped over and dug a rusty nail in his wrist. As soon as David saw Jane standing there with her dress drenched in blood and a nurse heading his way David knew that this time no amount of Morphine would fix this.

"He was just playing and I told him to be careful but he didn't listen...I should have made him stop! Its all my fault!"

Jane was in the waiting room, a nurse was being comforting and rubbing her back, she was crying and David knew that he wasn't too far from being in that position himself.

 _"Tell Jane that its nor her fault" Tommy whispered, his eyes were clouded and his voice was weak but his left hand gripped David's as the last signs of strengths left him._

 _"I will" David promised, smiling at the child._

 _"Ok. I'm fine now David you can go on and tell her I love her"_

That was it. Those were the last words David heard before the small boy smiled and looked away before closing his eyes.

Taking a deep breath, David forced himself to walk over to the wailing girl.

"Miss Clark" David called.

This was the part David hated. This was the only time while he was at work where he felt like nothing again, when he had to apologize for failing.

"I'm so sorry"

That was what droved him to the bar on seventh street. He drank for Marie, He drank for Tommy and he drank for himself.

David had to blink twice at everything he came across. His head pounded and he knew that showing up tomorrow at work wasn't an option. But David was all right with that. He wasn't ready to face how truly unimportant and powerless he was.

"Its not your fault"

The voice sounded like it came from an alley but David didn't know everything merged together.

"I'm not sure what your talking about but knowing myself its probably my fault"

"Jane told me what happened, its not your fault nor hers"

David was growing irritated. He didn't know who was talking and they were smoking making it harder to be able to concentrate.

"No its not Jane's fault. But I could have tried harder to stop the bleeding" David felt the need to defend everyone but himself.

"We all knew it was going to happen. I'm sure you did too, there was no way to save him"

David sighed "Don't try to justify my errors"

After a couple more hang overs, David learned how to drink enough to become numb but not completely immoveable the next morning.

The voice was always there, when he talked to it, it always tried to make himself feel better and as ridiculous as it seemed, David found out the voice was a woman's when it called him a sweetie.

She was nice, David didn't know what she looked liked but it didn't matter she was someone he liked to talk to, after weeks of talking to her in a daze of alcohol David decided to speak to her sober, he left the bar around the same time he always did, feigned his drunkenness and spoke to her.

The light hit her face just as he was about to leave. David was taken back by the sight that met his eyes, her left eye was a clouded, a red thin line ran from her eyebrow through the grey eye and swirled around her mouth and down her neck.

David walked away and tried to pretend that he hadn't noticed anything. The next day she wasn't there, nor the next. David started to ask around, it wasn't so hard to find someone with such a distinguished feature.

Betty told him there was girl like that, that worked at the theater, she manned the curtains, hidden away from everyone.

They let him in, but only after he told them he worked at the Mayo clinic.

Her name was Nelly, she lived with her grandparents on the outskirts of town. She was nineteen and had the degree of a secretary but no one would hire her because of her face. She liked horses and singing.

David didn't have to risk his kidney and pancreas to talk to her anymore. After work, David went to the theater, he had finally made a friend, an actual friend

They chatted about anything really. She knew about Marie and he knew about her scar. David survived through the winter and half of spring next to her side.

When summer came, they found Nelly strung up by the neck at the old mill.

She was just as depressed as him. If she hadn't tried so hard to fix David maybe he could have put her back together but he didn't. Because he never knew, he didn't no anything.

David was bad before but this was absolute his lowest. Two people had died because of him. He was losing his mind with guilt, grief, pain, shame, regret and loneliness.

His mothers letters kept him at bay, it was nice to talk to her, even if it was just on paper. He liked to write about Nelly and Tommy and Jane.

Never about himself, he could never waste his Mothers time with him.

After a while he went back to drinking. What was the point of keeping himself alive when he didn't deserve to live?

He liked to stand at Nelly's corner, hoping she would start talking to him after a while.

Sometimes he liked to close his eyes and remember back to when he was a newsie. Life was so simple then, all he worried about was the headline and not blushing in front of Marie. He wanted to return to his mothers arms, to Sarah's smile, his fathers laugh, Les's jokes.

Jack and Sarah were getting married soon. David was traveling back to New York, he had been gone for a year.

David lost his breath every time he thought of how bad things had gotten. He wanted to cry, he didn't understand why he deserved this.

New York hadn't changed, it was the same bustling city it always had been.

His friends weren't the same though. The unexpected had become the life of his friends.

Sarah and Jack were getting married, Racetrack was making money at sheepshead, Spot had a kid bouncing around on his arm, Boots was a foreman and had recently gotten engaged. They were all so happy and full of life, their eyes shone with joy.

David lacked all of that. He was a shell of a man. A skeleton, his clothes hung around his body like a blanket, his eyes had purple bags underneath them, his hands shook when he moved them to much.

He told his mom it was work.

Sarah's wedding they had come, she was happy, Jack was happy.

The people around him carried on living life. Sarah and Jack sat separated from everyone eating their wedding cake, Racetrack argued with a man on which bits were better, Spot fed his child, and Boots interviewed a boy.

Les plopped next to him, He was a jumpy and over-excited twenty year old.  
"So David, Do you see that girl over there in the pink dress?"

They were all wearing pink "Yeah"

"Do you think I have shot?" David glanced at his enthusiastic brother.

 _No, she'll destroy you._

"Of Course"

Les Thanked him and sauntered off to talk to some girl. David sat by himself and that was okay he didn't think his words mattered anyways.

His mother tried to get him to Dance, Sarah and Jack came over and talked to him but it was all in vain. David didn't _want_ to talk, he didn't want to do anything. There was no point on doing anything.

Towards the end of the night he saw _her._

The Daydream that had turned his world into a nightmare.

She stood next to him, Ricky, they had three beautiful looking kids. David couldn't help but sigh.

Instead of wanting to breakdown and cry, David left because he was selfish. There was plenty of people in that room that could love him but he refused to be loved.

He kissed his family and friends goodbye, after all it was the last time he planned on seeing them.

David packed his things and bought the earliest ticket back to Rochester Minnesota. He didn't bother in going to his hotel room, he went straight to the barn where they had found Nelly, he sat in the hay and stared at the walls. He gave himself a moment to take in the last thing his beloved friend had seen before deciding it was time. Not to far away from here there was a bridge above a river, the river bed was full of rocks. He was hoping his neck would snap.

He took his shoes and coat off. He stared at the murky water below. Well this was it.

David placed one foot on a support bar before gripping the rail.

He started to think over his life and what it meant to live. He was being so selfish, Sarah's honeymoon would be ruined because of him. He could hang on for them but that was what he had been doing the last year. As he debated the thought of jumping a voice broke his thoughts.

"You too? What a shame. The town will think our suicides are due to some forbidden clandestine love affair"

David was shocked at the crudel words.

"Who are you?" David asked, letting the anger seep through his tone.

"Joan, I got tired of living so I came here to liberate myself. I'm guessing you're doing the same"

The nerve.

"That's awful"

"Is it? It's the truth, now I suggest you find another bridge or tell me why you're here. I don't want my parents to think I was in love with some psycho"

When David finished his story she laughed.

"You were going to jump because of that? That's ridiculous, so she married another chum, her problem. Tommy, you couldn't save Tommy and Nelly well Nelly made her choice. You shouldn't suffer for it"

David wanted to shout at her.

"Now lets talk about me"

Joan ranted on about how pointless here life had become, she admitted that what she was about to do was also stupid and selfish but so was everyone else. She talked about death like it was nothing. David was appalled, he was rotting on the inside and she talked about it like it was nothing.

"You can't kill yourself. Its a sin" She finished, handing him his shoes and coat.

"That's what you were going to do" He countered, but put his shoes on anyways.

"Touché. But my life doesn't matter"

David didn't like someone so witty talking like that.

"If I don't kill myself. You have to promise to stay alive"

"Deal"


End file.
